Only Everyone Survives

People have started walking around campus wearing these T-shirts. There's a picture of the state of New Jersey and then it says "Princeton: Only the Strong Survive". The people that wear these shirts don't deserve the precious gift of life.

Ok, first of all there's a serious problem in the logic behind these shirts. For, in an effort to improve their US news and world report ranking, Princeton makes sure that everyone graduates. The graduation rate here is literally 99%. I know kids that have been suspended two or three times and they continue to let them try again. I know a girl that is 25 and still a student. I know a young man who submitted "The Great Gatsby" and claimed that it was his original thesis. No, this is not quite true, but would be quite amusing.

There is another problem with this T-Shirt, that lies in that rare 1% of Princeton students unable to be pushed kicking and screaming through the front gate. Without fail, this elite strata of scholar is occupied nearly exclusively by the atheletes of Princeton. Perhaps you can see where I'm going with this, so I will simply suggest a more appropriate slogan: "Princeton Only the Strong Don't Survive"

On the agenda is dealing with this:

come to:
Audrey's Shana-hand-me-a-beer Party!

SATERDAY, APRIL 23, 2005
San Diego...