Build-A-Monkey

Today was Frist Fest, which is basically a chance for them to waste the equivalent of one student's entire tuition on an event about which literally noone cares. They have cotton candy and bands and a ring toss, and hundreds upon hundreds of feet of sub sandwiches. I asked my friend, Scott, if he would enjoy making a 10 ft sub sandwich. He said "Eating one or making one?" which is a stupid question so I scolded him. Then I said "making one." He said it wouldn't be fun making a 10 ft sub sandwich which is obviously something stupid to say. The only thing better than making a 10 ft sub is making a 10 ft diameter quiche, because the surface area is larger.

The one event worth doing at Fristfest was build-a-bear, which for you idiots out there, is where you build a bear. How long was the line for build a bear? There were more people in line for build a bear than at the rest of the festival combined and combine that with the number of people that have been into outer space and the people who have ever used a space bar in their life, or been to the space bar which is a lounge on top of the Casino Morongo. But I decided to get in line for build-a-bear with Leslie Lee, and make a bear that I could beat up when I got nervous for finals.

We played chess as we waited in line. I had to go set up for quad at 8 o clock. We got in line at 715/730, I'm not exactly sure, but needless to say, I didn't think it would become an issue with my meeting. We had a conversation with a guy that might have been homeless and was pretty excited to build a bear. Things took longer than expected and we got to the front of the line at about 815.

I had to pick between unicorn, purple bear, or monkey. I chose a monkey, because monkeys are funny. But when I got my cute little monkey, I knew I could never eat him, because he was made out of cloth. I should have expected this.

For you idiots out there build a bear is done by stuffing the bear full of stuffing and then closing him up. But here's the thing. They don't limit the amount of stuffing! When I got the monkey I just started stuffing him full. I stuffed the monkey for an hour, using nearly an entire box (4 ft tall) of stuffing. Then the build a bear lady started to interfere.

"You're not going to be able to pull the strings closed" she said
You close the bear by pulling on the strings that are built into him. My bear was so fat that she thought the strings wouldn't close. But she was wrong! I managed to squeeze the bear really tight and pull the strings and voila. I handed it over and the stupid woman, what she did, she pulls the strings really hard and they snapped.

"See I told you they would break"

This is why the woman is building bears and not acheiving anything with her life. So now I had a bear overflowing with stuffing and with a huge hole in my stomach. Also I was now an hour late for quad decorating. I thought about it, and if my excuse for arriving an hour late was that I was a building a monkey then I might not be an officer for much longer. So, I sneaked in and noone noticed, and I decided to show everyone my monkey and talk about how to fix it.

Some viable ideas were thrown around: sewing, staples, tape. Some less viable ideas were thrown around: human skin graft. It turns out that sewing and stapling didn't work, so now I have a stuffed monkey spewing stuffing all over the place. I decided to name him big fat monkey, on account of his size and his fatness.