Kip Knight: The King of Vacations?!

My dad prides himself on his ability to plan a good vacation. For a number of years at least, it seemed true. When I was a kid, he orchestrated successful trips to Yellowstone, Montana, and New York City, all of them free, thanks to a glut of frequent flier miles accumulated through the policy of "Never Say No to the Bump!". Getting bumped was a favorite past-time of my family's, and every trip on an airplane was preceeded by a trip to the front desk to ask the inevitable question, "So how's the plane looking today"

"Quite full actually"

These words were music to my dad's ears and as well as mine; I was well-trained to love getting bumped. Looking back, I'm not sure why. I never paid for the airplane ticket, so it made no difference to me if we paid for it or not, but still it somehow felt good to win a tiny victory over the airlines. In hindsight, it is easy to see that it was my family's frugality that started the downfall of the airlines. Because the entire state of Montana has but one airport, we got bumped every flight, and literally never paid for a ticket. This was good, too because it meant that our vacations lasted that much longer. For a kid, this was enjoyable; back then, my brother and I were naive and didn't know that Montana was a state to be mocked and not enjoyed.

When we moved to England, my dad's track record only improved. We visited countless European countries and the action was non-stop. He would schedule 5 museums in a day, and four countries on a trip. I was even able to overlook the catastrophic trip of Prague when a trip to Paris was right around the corner.

Back in America, Kip had a hard act to follow, but uncovered a new solution that would all but guarantee his legacy: the ski vacation. The whole family loved to ski, though one of the flock would later go astray (Chris and his snowboarding). Still he'd found something that everyone could enjoy, and for awhile everything seemed ok.

But recently, things have started to go wrong. The first big misstep came this September, when we were taking Chris to school. I didn't have to be at Princeton for awhile, so he decided that we should spend some time seeing Pennsylvania had to offer. The answer now is clear: not much.

We first visited Hershey Pennsylvania, a pathetic little town not fair from Lehigh. It was in Hershey, of course, that a Mr. Hershey once said, "let us create a chocolate factory and fill the world with delicious treats" and shortly thereafter, "now let us create an incredibly boring tour of that factory. Only its not the actual factory it is a PRETEND FACTORY, created solely for the purpose of that tour."

The Hershey Factory Tour was full of people who I pray were gathering evidence for their upcoming obesity trial against the company. The actual tour contained some of the most hilarious propaganda I've ever come across. For example, the jungle from which Hershey collects their cocoa beans is apparently pristine and lush, untouched by the human hand. They would also have you believe that no rodents have ever accidently gotten mixed in with the Hershey's Kisses, which we all know is simply not true.

Outside the rich chocolate hell of Hershey, my dad was in great need of redemption. And so, he decided that we would go to Gettysburg. For those of you who don't know Gettysburg holds the impressive distinction of being the one place in America worse than Hershey. We bought a 3 hour (!) compact disc and embarked on a self-guided tour of the many battlefields. For anyone considering a trip to Gettysburg, let me save you considerable time and money. The battlefields in Gettysburg are large grass fields. Yes they are quite large and yes some even contain picket fences, but that's about it! People often bemoan the state of America, nothing that the more people go to Disney World each year than Gettysburg. Let me be the first to say that this is a distinct sign of improvement!

The final leg of our journey was to Amish country. I'll let that sentence speak for itself.

Over Thanksgiving weekend, Kip achieved a minor redemption with a mini family reunion in NYC. Some might question the decision to return to the NBC studio tour, which we had been on before, but this was a minor error in comparison, and was redeemed by two things that happened on it:
1. Kip and Chris managed to get seperated from the tour group in the FIRST MINUTE of the tour. Despite continued prodding, neither would confess how this happened.
2. A demented old woman kept harassing both our tour guides. At one point Jay Leno's name was mentioned, at which point she screamed "WHO?!". I later found out that she was taking notes.

Next is a trip to Mamoth, which should completely redeem Kip. Let us not forget that brief, perilous moment, though, when everything went so terribly wrong. In the words of Abraham Lincoln, "Remember the Amish!"