The Black Eyed Peas

It began, as things like this do, with a bit of inappropriate curiosity. I frequently check the iTunes music store, to see what hot new singles are making waves, and what crappy unreleased B-sides major acts can dump on the public in the form of "iTunes exclusives". About two weeks ago, I began to notice the Black Eyed Peas complete domination of the singles chart, with a song I'm sure most of you have heard called "My Humps". After it had been at number one for what seemed a month, I had to hear this song.

I loaded "Launch" music video player, found the song, and was hit almost instantly with a tidal wave of complete suck. This song is awful. It is one of the worst songs I've ever heard. It is definitely worse than anything Billy Ray Cyrus or 50 Cent could conjure in their mixing pots of mediocrity. I reckon that a trio of Fred Durst, Vanilla Ice, and Ricky Martin could manage something better than "My Humps", though this thought experiment shakes me to the core. (Aside: Vanilla Ice will be performing at Princeton sometime in the near future. I don't think you need to ask if I will be there).

Here's the thing though. I couldn't look away. It was, as the say, like watching a train wreck. A very generic, awful train wreck, but a train wreck nonetheless. Since then I have been hopeless. Though I refuse to pay for their album, I seek the Black Eyed Peas wherever I can find them: myspace, launch, 30 second samples on iTunes. Two weeks ago, it made my day when I was standing in the Virgin Megastore and "Pump It" came on over the PA.

Let me get one thing clear. I do not like the Black Eyed Peas. I REALLY do not like the Black Eyed Peas. And yet I can't quite explain my bizzare fascination. If it was really about celebrating shocking mediocrity, that would have gotten old by now. On the contrary, my fling with this band goes stronger by the day. Maybe I am obsessed with what the Black Eyed Peas represent. Is it possible to like something ironically when it is still extremely popular? I was under the impression that the waiting period for those type of things was at least 5 years.

So now I am left with this. There is a band that makes awful music, that I keep listening to. My name is Tom Knight, and I have a problem.