GRRR

First of all let me say that blogger software pretty much sucks. I wrote a really long entry and then when I went to post it, it told me to enter my password, then when I did, it accidentally deleted my entry. Also, let me say that webshots software is incredible. Using only my digital camera and this amazing software I have posted a bunch of pictures with hilarious captions at:

http://community.webshots.com/user/skcormot

Please take a moment to enjoy these pictures, as I spent a depressing amount of time writing the captions for them.

Ok, so if I had posted my post that blogger deleted, you would have known that the most traumatic dining experience involved some Mongolian Barbecue, and a hilarious story that only a priviledged few will ever hear. But last saturday I had a close second. For a little background let me say that on Friday all I had was a small chicken sandwhich from McDonalds and some Raman noodles. Then Saturday we went to the Great Wall, where the only food they had all day was a lemon-cola popsicle, which was actually quite tasty, standing in sharp contrast to the frozen slime popsicle of my previous experience. Nonetheless, I was starving upon returning to Beijing Normal University and in need of a truly hearty meal.

I went with a large group of kids, that included my roommate and the "RA" of the trip, to a restaurant that smelled strongly of paint thinner. This foreboding omen aside, the place looked pretty decent, they even brought us up to the private dining rooms upstairs. Unfortunately there was only room for about 10 people in each room, and our group was at least 20. The student's randomly split up into the two rooms, which meant that I ended up in the room with all the Asians that were in fifth year Chinese.

As the RA went off to order for the group, I sat quietly as everyone talked and laughed, greatful that no one was trying to drag me into the conversation. Suddenly, though, my good luck came to an end, as some kid engaged me and began speaking gibberish. Thankfully, by this point, I've learned that all introductory Chinese conversations will proceed the same, in the same order, and with the same questions. First they will ask you your Chinese name, then your English name, what university you go to, and what grade your in. Rarely, they may ask you major, but never more than this. With this in mind I confidently "conversed" with my new friend:

"dfanm,vc?"
"Wu shyh chau" I said which is my Chinese name.
"dafv cmz?"
"Thomas Knight"
"eiokldmv?"
"Princeton"
"Eadsfav?"
"Junior"
"vmn,z ws?"
"Economics"
"Dfc,mzvn?"

I panicked. This guy was breaking all types of protocol. There wasn't supposed to be a sixth question! He was supposed to ask me my major, and then smile and nod, and find someone that actually spoke Chinese. I was saved by the waiter, though, who brought in the first course of the meal and distracted everyone's attention.

Now remember, at this point, I am completely starving, having not eaten a decent meal in two days. I am ready for the orange flavored chicken, and the beef with brocolli, and the shrimp fried rice! The first course is roots. Not one kind of root, two kinds of root. One is red, one is colorless, though they suck equally. Worry not, I think, this is but the first course, to clear our pallettes and ready us for the inevitable feast that is to come our way!

The next course was crawfish with the eyes still attached, and it only got worse from there. After the "Chinese Meatball" and "Tofu Stew", I grew hopefull as they brought out some sort of noodle dish. But I knew better than to dig in right away.

"Mian?" I asked the person sitting next to me, which means noodles.
"Eel" he said, breaking the no English rule, though this must go down as one of the more noble acts of civil disobedience ever. Repulsed, I sat and ate a small bowl of white rice.

I managed to pay for my share of the meal (at 4 dollars, the most expensive yet, by far), and break away to the local KFC. There, I enjoyed a delicious spicy chicken sandwich, and fries with eel sauce.

As I mentioned, we went to the great wall on saturday, which was truly a FINE experience. I mean, truly a great experience! The fine thing was from the shirt I got a singapore which you would know about if you looked at my pictures!

The great wall is a marvelous spectacle that you can visit, and its in China. When you first get there you have to walk through a crowded marketplace set up for tourists like you, where the items for sale include cold water, cheap t-shirts, and the horribly butchered english language.

"Cod wala!" they shout, and you have to wonder, do I sound that dumb when I speak Chinese, and then you have to stop wondering, because the answer is probably yes.

After you walk through the marketplace you have to walk through a bunch of confusing rooms and gardens that have large stones and "Stalactites" in them. From my many childhood visits to mammtoh caves in Kentucky, I had learned that stalactites are typically formed from the mineral sediment in water drops dripping from the ceilings of caves over thousands of years. Apparently the Chinese definition of stalactites is a mound of ugly concrete hastily poured in an attempt to impress naive tourists. Well, I can say this much, it worked! I was in complete awe of the amazing "Stalactite Garden" and decided to spend my day there, rather than going to the Great Wall.

But, my teachers told me I had to stick with the group, and the group decided to keep going. On the way up, we saw a sign that said that at this section of the Great Wall, you could walk 3,000 meters before conditions deteriorated. I immediately had my goal and began a light jog up and down slanted stairs and dodgy stones. I soon made a friend, by virtue of the fact that he was the only other one jogging on the great wall, and we began to encourage each other as they going got rough.

I can tell you this much, it is no wonder that the Chinese are all so healthy if they are using the Great Wall for their work out regimen. This thing is an absolute beast, with tons of elevation change and sweltering heat to boot. I truly regretted bringing my heavy backpack, filled with a sweatshirt, two 500 page books, and a xbox gaming system with bose surround sound speakers, and a full-sized dolphin.

By the time we reached the top, we were dead tired but happy to have made it. We were considering going past the "do not go past this sign" sign, but there was a guard there guarding it. The guard was listening to a radio actually. "Crazy in Love". Beyonce.

We made our way back down to the bus, where we noticed on the way, and this was a truly surreal experience, a slide going from the top of the Great Wall to the parking lot. I was supremely interested in doing this, but none of my classmates seemed to excited about dying so early in their Princeton in Beijing experience. If you wanna know what I mean about dying, I will show you the video when I get back. People were going at least 20 mph and the only safety measure was a Chinese guy with a megaphone shouting "GO SLOWER!" in broken english.

Right now, it is two days later and my calf muscles are still absolutely killing me. Stairs have become my mortal enemy and aspirin my only friend. I am about to go on a little walking tour of the campus so that I get some good pictures of what Beijing looks like, and then it's time to hit the books. Zai jian!