Break

Best of the Break:

1. Howie's Game Shack: My new favorite place in the world is a cybercafe the size of a small NBA gymnasium. This place is sort of what I imagine heaven must be like
2. Four episodes of Blind Date on the Tivo every morning: Speaks for itself.
3. "Call on Me": How did I not hear this song earlier?
4. Cereal Galore: Except for a certain deadly mistake (see below) the cereal has been v good.
5. My First Ever Successful Trip to Guitar Center: The guy fixed my guitar gave me free strings and gave me not one condescending look. He must have been new.

Worst of the Break:

1. The Downfall of Justin Khalifa: So it seems like Justin is simply too cool now. What is this guy trying to hide?
2. My Unfortuate Alarm Clock: Every morning at 10 am, Jeff runs into my room and screams, "Wake Up" at the top of his lungs.
3. Reduced Sugar Cinammon Toast Crunch: A warning to cereal-buyers everywhere: do not grab your cereal haphazardly! Apparently the "health nuts" have managed to sneak this suck-fest onto the shelf. If you're wondering what Cinnamon Toast Crunch tastes like without sugar, go to a local farm and eat a bale of hay.

That's all for now. Hopefully Mammoth will be full of first column moments.

Firestarter

The Thursday before I left for home, I was pulling an all-nighter studying for a music quiz cruelly scheduled on Friday, when I heard a pounding on my neighbors door.

"This is the police! You are under arrest!"

I tried to see as much as I could through my peephole, and from what I could make out they were escorting this kid, who I barely knew out of the building in handcuffs. The next day, two detectives had fingerprinted everything in his room and placed it in plastic bags marked as evidence.

Today I finally found out what happened. Apparently my neighbor was an arsonist: Read Article Here. Hot...

Encore!

When it goes right, the end-of-semester ovation for a college professor can be a great tradition. It's one of my favorite things to see a teacher take their final bow and exit the classroom as students applaud, so I make sure never to miss the final lecture of any class that I'm enrolled in. This means that I've also seen my fair share of disasters.

There are two ways that the applause can go wrong, I'm not sure which is more tragic. The first happens when the students simply don't like the teacher. This past Tuesday, my Chinese Economy professor made the mistake of mentioning the final exam towards the end of his final lecture. Students suddenly began to accost him about the extremely unfair midterm. The shouting match ended with the professor proclaiming at the top of his little Asian lungs, "You deserve to fail!"

Moments later he ended the semester to a thick, uncomfortable silence.

The second way that things can go wrong is if the professor doesn't give his students a chance to clap. This happened just today in my music class. Our teacher handed out the student evaluations, and sort of slunk out of the room, clearly expecting some sort of acknowledgment, but receiving none. She made two mistakes. First of all the evaluations need to be done at the beginning of class. No way are students going to clap if they are focused on a Scantron. Second, and please listen closely teachers, you need to end with a flourish. I don't care how marginal the subject you are teaching is, there is no degree of melodrama that won't be welcome in those final few moments of a lecture. I had an econometrics teacher who gave dry lectures that raised the boldly answered the question, "Can a semester of learning be reduced to 400 power point slides" with a resounding "yes". But he knew how to finish. Wrapping up his final lecture to his small audience, he paused for a moment and said simply, "you guys are extraordinary". The 12 of us in the class cheered like our team had won the super bowl.

By far the best final lecture I've attended was given by Uwe Reinhardt, my freshman year microeconomics teacher. In the course of his 90 minute tour de force he didn't once mention economics. The whole thing was about his son who had graduated from Princeton and immediately enlisted in the army. His was the only standing ovation I've seen for a teacher.

In other news the window of opportunity for me escaping this god-forsaken tundra known as the east coast is slowly closing. Not only is a massive storm predicted in the upcoming days, but a transit strike in New York city looms. Will Tom Knight make it home, or will he be left to languish in 0 degree wind chill? Stay tuned to find out.

Bizzare Memory

Last summer, Jay, Justin, and I were going to go to an SMES football scrimmage, for lack of something better to do. Before we got there, Jay made us stop by his gun club, because he had left his hat behind. We stopped at the gun club, and while we waited for Jay to get his hat, I sat in the car with Justin while he sang "I Luv U" by Dizzee Rascal.

More Like the SHAM-mys

2005 was a banner year for music. I dont need to list names but I will: Sufjan Stevens, New Pornographers, The Decemberists, The Eels. Even Bright Eyes, a band a swore never to like, released an extremely strong album, "I'm Wide Awake It's Morning". The situation is so overwhelming that I haven't even gotten to half of the acclaimed albums released this year.

So it makes sense that Mariah Carey would receive eight grammy nominations for "The Emancipation of Mimi". Though I recently stopped caring about the Grammy's (I think the turning point was when they awarded Brian Wilson, the greatest vocal arranger of the 20th century, his first and only award for an instrumental performance) this may be a good chance for hilarious comedy, so let's sit back, relax, and take a look at the best music of 2005:

Best Album

The Emancipation Of Mimi
Mariah Carey

Chaos And Creation In The Backyard
Paul McCartney

Love. Angel. Music. Baby.
Gwen Stefani

How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb
U2

Late Registration
Kanye West

Already we have a problem. I've heard only one of these albums, Late Regristarion, extensively, so it's going to be hard for me to comment. It's possible that I've got Mariah all wrong, and that Mimi is truly a classic album. But no. That's just not true. Mariah Carey is a plauge, and I celebrated her downfall. These celebrations, apparently, turned out to be pre-mature. As for U2, this album was just about as bland as you could get. After sitting through an entire song called "Yahweh", I decided that it was time for evasive maneuvers and quickly deleted the album from my computer. I have no regrets. Late registration was about half as good as College Dropout and it will be a shame if it wins, because, I, for one, want to see another Kanye West meltdown.

Best New Artist

Ciara
Fall Out Boy
Keane
John Legend
SugarLand

It would be easy to point out that Keane has been around since 1997, and as such, is not technically a new artist. But this is a well-worn journalistic path, and my time would be better spent telling you that Fall Out Boy has to be one of the most unremarkable bands I've ever heard.

Best Pop Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocal

Don't Lie
The Black Eyed Peas

Mr. Brightside
The Killers

More Than Love
Los Lonely Boys

This Love
Maroon 5

My Doorbell
The White Stripes

I would love to know how Jack White feels about being nominated for the same award as the other four bands on this list, but I'm afraid if I asked him he would just start crying.

Best Pop Collaboration With Vocals

Gone Going
The Black Eyed Peas & Jack Johnson

Virginia Moon
Foo Fighters Featuring Norah Jones

Feel Good Inc.
Gorillaz Featuring De La Soul

A Song For You
Herbie Hancock Featuring Christina Aguilera

A Time To Love
Stevie Wonder Featuring India.Arie

This is the second nomination for The Black Eyed Peas. At this point, I honestly can't tell if they're kidding. Also, an interesting question for Herbie Hancock would be to ask if Christina Aguillera is as talented a musical partner as Miles Davis.

Best Rock Song

Best Of You
Foo Fighters, songwriters (Foo Fighters)

Beverly Hills
Rivers Cuomo, songwriter (Weezer)

City Of Blinding Lights
U2, songwriters (U2)

Devils & Dust
Bruce Springsteen, songwriter (Bruce Springsteen)

Speed Of Sound
Guy Berryman, Jon Buckland, Will Champion & Chris Martin, songwriters (Coldplay)

You may be surprised that this is the first nomination for Coldplay, meaning that they completely missed out on Best Album, Best Record, and Best Song nominations. This would seem to violate the formula used by Grammy voters of Album Sales/10^6 = Number of Grammy Nominations, but apparently even the voters found the lyrics on "X&Y" too much to take. But wait, let us remind ourselves that the Black Eyed Peas slipped through, so for now this one remains a mystery. Also notice the interesting trend that every artist on this list recorded their best music long ago. This is an interesting technique used by Grammy Voters, called nostalgia. Because it rewards musicians who were once good, it is the least offensive of their tactics.

Best Alternative Music Album

Funeral
The Arcade Fire

Guero
Beck

Plans
Death Cab For Cutie

You Could Have It So Much Better
Franz Ferdinand

Get Behind Me Satan
The White Stripes

Is it just me, or is this group of nominees titled wrong. I think what they meant to write was "Best-Selling Alternative Music Album". Otherwise there's no explaining how "Guero" or "Plans" made the cut. Also, I'm a big fan of Franz Ferdinand and The White Stripes, but I am not going to pretend that either of these albums was in the top 5 for 2005. Finally, there's the small issue of "Funeral" being released in September, 2004, but I'm not one to nit-pick. After all, it's the best album on the list.

Best Rap Performance By A Duo Or Group

Don't Phunk With My Heart
The Black Eyed Peas

The Corner
Common Featuring The Last Poets

Encore
Eminem Featuring Dr. Dre & 50 Cent

Hate It Or Love It
The Game Featuring 50 Cent

Wait (The Whisper Song)
Ying Yang Twins

For those of you keeping score, this is number three for The Black Eyed Peas. I'm not going to make excuses for the voters, but at least this song is extremely catchy (please see earlier entry). Furthermore, The Corner and Hate It Or Love It are actually good songs! What's going on here. Oh there we go, Eminem and the Ying-Yang Twins. Much better.

Best Country Album

Fireflies
Faith Hill

Lonely Runs Both Ways
Alison Krauss And Union Station

Time Well Wasted
Brad Paisley

All Jacked Up
Gretchen Wilson

Jasper County
Trisha Yearwood

We can't really blame the Grammy folks for this one. Trying to pick the best country album or 2005 must be like trying to pick your favorite ruthless dictators or fatal disease. How can you pick just 5!

Best Hawaiian Music Album

Slack Key Dreams Of The Ponomoe
Kapono Beamer

Sweet & Lovely
Raiatea Helm

Kiho'alu - Hawaiian Slack Key Guitar
Ledward Ka'apana

Slack Key Guitar: The Artistry Of Sonny Lim
Sonny Lim

Masters Of Hawaiian Slack Key Guitar - Vol. 1
Various ArtistsDaniel Ho, Paul Konwiser & Wayne Wong, producers

Can someone please explain to me why there are awards for best Hawaiian Music, best Polka Album, and best Traditional Soul Gospel Album (as opposed to contemporary Soul Gospel Album). I'm the last guy who would want to try and cheat Mr. Ka'apana out of his glory, but as long as we're gonna let him have a chance, who's it gonna hurt to include a "Best Album Produced on a Laptop Computer" award?

Best Opera Recording

Britten: Death In Venice Richard Hickox, conductor; Michael Chance, Philip Langridge & Alan Opie; BrianCouzens, producer (BBC Singers; City Of London Sinfonia)

Conradi: Ariadne Paul O'Dette & Stephen Stubbs, conductors; Barbara Borden, Karina Gauvin, EllenHargis, Jan Kobow, Julian Podger, Marek Rzepka, James Taylor & Matthew White;Renate Wolter-Seevers, producer (Boston Early Music Festival Chorus; BostonEarly Music Festival Orchestra)

Strauss, R.: Daphne Semyon Bychkov, conductor; Johan Botha, Renée Fleming, Anna Larsson, MichaelSchade & Kwanchul Youn; Michael Haas, producer (West German Radio SymphonyOrchestra (Köln)

Verdi: Falstaff Sir Colin Davis, conductor; Carlos Alvarez, Bülent Bezdüz, Marina Domashenko,Jane Henschel, Ana Ibarra, Maria Josè Moreno & Michele Pertusi; James Mallinson,producer (London Symphony Chorus; London Symphony Orchestra)

Vivaldi: Bajazet Fabio Biondi, conductor; Patrizia Ciofi, David Daniels, Ildebrando D'Arcangelo,Elina Garanca, Vivica Genaux & Marijana Mijanovic; Nicolas Bartholomée, producer(Europa Galante)

Egads! How can Grammy voters refuse to acknowledge Sergio Fallagoni's timeless production of Madame Butterfly, let alone Mme. Dellafonte in Verci Villagioni. This time, Grammys, you have gone too far.

Website

It's a well-known secret that I have been working on a new webpage. I have finally put up some content worth seeing so I will reveal the link now:

www.atstreetlevel.com

Check out the videos section. Right now I'm subcontracting nearly all parts of the site (thanks to podomatic, webshots, and blogger) but I would eventually like to get everything centralized. For now I'm going to continue blogging at this location, because I think it has momentum and sentimental value. If you think this is a bad idea, let me know. In the meantime, check out the site!

The Black Eyed Peas

It began, as things like this do, with a bit of inappropriate curiosity. I frequently check the iTunes music store, to see what hot new singles are making waves, and what crappy unreleased B-sides major acts can dump on the public in the form of "iTunes exclusives". About two weeks ago, I began to notice the Black Eyed Peas complete domination of the singles chart, with a song I'm sure most of you have heard called "My Humps". After it had been at number one for what seemed a month, I had to hear this song.

I loaded "Launch" music video player, found the song, and was hit almost instantly with a tidal wave of complete suck. This song is awful. It is one of the worst songs I've ever heard. It is definitely worse than anything Billy Ray Cyrus or 50 Cent could conjure in their mixing pots of mediocrity. I reckon that a trio of Fred Durst, Vanilla Ice, and Ricky Martin could manage something better than "My Humps", though this thought experiment shakes me to the core. (Aside: Vanilla Ice will be performing at Princeton sometime in the near future. I don't think you need to ask if I will be there).

Here's the thing though. I couldn't look away. It was, as the say, like watching a train wreck. A very generic, awful train wreck, but a train wreck nonetheless. Since then I have been hopeless. Though I refuse to pay for their album, I seek the Black Eyed Peas wherever I can find them: myspace, launch, 30 second samples on iTunes. Two weeks ago, it made my day when I was standing in the Virgin Megastore and "Pump It" came on over the PA.

Let me get one thing clear. I do not like the Black Eyed Peas. I REALLY do not like the Black Eyed Peas. And yet I can't quite explain my bizzare fascination. If it was really about celebrating shocking mediocrity, that would have gotten old by now. On the contrary, my fling with this band goes stronger by the day. Maybe I am obsessed with what the Black Eyed Peas represent. Is it possible to like something ironically when it is still extremely popular? I was under the impression that the waiting period for those type of things was at least 5 years.

So now I am left with this. There is a band that makes awful music, that I keep listening to. My name is Tom Knight, and I have a problem.

New Website

Alright, so I've built this new website. And it's really great. But it's not quite done. So what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna make you wait. Build up the anticipation. If you've already seen it, lucky you. If not, and you really want to take a look, then email me and I will let you know the link. But in the meantime, I'm gonna get it ready for prime-time, so that it really knocks your socks off when it's posted. Until then...

Test

 

A McSweeneys-esque List of Things That Must Have Been Said at Jay-Paul's Recent Thanksgiving Get-Together, Judging by his Online Photo Album

"Hey dad, get a picture of me with Sylvia"

"Hey someone get a picture of Jeff and I with Sylvia sitting in a chair"

"Come on guys, are we gonna let this table of people go unphotographed? Smile Sylvia!"

"Hey what about a picture with Sylvia and Amy?"

"Uhh...Jay don't you think that's enough pictures of you and Sylvia?"

"Jay, can you please stop taking pictures with me?"

"Sorry Jay, the memory card is full, it only holds 512 pictures."

"THIS PARTY IS OVER!"